


Why They Call It Falling

by remuslives23



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, canon character death, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 10:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3206411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuslives23/pseuds/remuslives23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why do they calling it 'falling' in love? It's more like flying, soaring...until it all goes wrong. R/S - their love from conception to death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why They Call It Falling

**It's like jumping, it's like leaping**  
It's like walking on the ceiling  
It's like floating, it's like flying  
Through the air  
It's like soaring, it's like gliding  
It's a rocket ship you're riding  
It's a feeling that can take you anywhere

* * *

_Looking back, the signals and signs had been there - he'd just never let himself see them, too afraid of what would happen to his heart if he allowed himself to believe that the other boy could ever feel the same way._

* * *

He'd always known he was different - more than just the lycanthropy - but it took him until Sixth year before he really came to terms with the fact he liked other guys and that, in particular, he fancied one of his best friends. He had been reluctant to tell his friends he was gay, worrying about their reactions but when Remus finally came out, there was no real disbelief, Peter confiding later that they'd all suspected that he was 'that way inclined' for ages.

'You just seem the type,' he said, a little apologetically, leaving Remus wondering exactly what 'the type' was.

He didn't tell them what the clincher had been, the lightbulb moment that had confirmed his suspicions both about his sexuality and his far from platonic feelings for one of the Marauders. It had been such a simple, everyday thing - Sirius' hand brushed his as they both reached for the powdered unicorn horn in Potions. Electricity ran up Remus' arm as he wondered what it would be like to hold that hand. And that was it. He was lost.

There was shock all around, though, when Sirius announced with his usual flamboyant carelessness that he was attracted to men as well as women, offering to prove it by kissing Remus when they'd all thought he was joking. When James noisily objected and Peter looked as though he might throw up, they'd all laughed, including Remus, but he felt a shot of disappointment that Sirius hadn't had to prove his bisexuality with a kiss.

He apologised later. 'Sorry, Moony,' he said, sneaking into the brown haired boy's bed that night for a talk. 'I shouldn't have said that. Just because we're both shirt lifters doesn't mean you're going to want me jumping you. Although, you _are_ pretty cute.'

He winked then laughed and changed the subject, and Remus knew he was teasing but his treacherous heart insisted on speeding up, spreading hope through him with every beat.

The only way to fight that hope was to be around Sirius as little as possible, a feat that proved almost impossible as the animagus decided that Remus was going to be his 'mentor' as he dove enthusiastically into the world of male on male relationships.

'So, would you say Jack's your type?' he asked one day, interrupting Remus as he pretended to read.

The werewolf looked up with a sigh. 'No,' he said, giving the blonde Sixth Year a cursory glance.

'Why not?' he asked, flopping down on the common room couch, his head nearly doing Remus permanent damage as it landed on his lap. 'He's good looking, decent guy, nice ass…'

'Fifteen years old, straight…' Remus continued, trying to push Sirius off his lap as he felt his body begin to respond to his nearness. 'Pads, you're cutting off the circulation to my legs.'

'Oh, sorry,' he said, sitting up and leaning on Remus' shoulder instead. 'You know, I think I like brown haired guys. Blondes are cold looking, dark haired guys are too much like me…I reckon a brown haired man would suit me, don't you think?'

Remus tried to force a chuckle around the lump in his throat, self consciously smoothing his light brown hair. 'Only you, Padfoot, would choose a boyfriend based on whether his colouring is going to be aesthetically pleasing with yours.'

Sirius laughed and nuzzled his face into Remus' neck then sat up as James and Peter came back from the kitchens with a cache of pilfered sweets.

* * *

 **So why they call it falling**  
Why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
I don't know

* * *

 _When he finally got around to telling him, he'd been unable to believe it until Sirius_ made _him believe it._

* * *

'Remus, how do you approach a guy you like?' he asked one day as they sat by the lake.

He picked up a stone and threw it into the dark water, Remus watching the rock sink just like his heart.

_Sirius liked someone?_

'I don't know,' he said softly. 'I've never told a guy I like him.' He could feel Sirius' eyes on him but resisted the urge to turn and fall into that grey abyss.

'Well, if someone liked you, how would you prefer they told you?' he asked in a casual, enquiring tone. 'Would you like them to hint and hope that you picked up on it or would you want them to be straightforward and just tell you?'

Remus frowned but said, 'Well, I guess I'd just want him to tell me or do something to show me…'

'Show you?' Sirius mused, looking back out over the water now. 'How would he show you?'

Remus shrugged then let out a little breath of laughter. 'I guess he'd have to use his imagination.'

It was dark that night when he felt the hand on his shoulder and the low voice that made him shiver said softly, 'You awake, Moony?'

'Yeah,' he whispered, sitting up. He hadn't been asleep, his mind unable to relax as he wondered who it was Sirius fancied. 'What's up?'

'Well, I'm no good with words so I decided to show you.'

Hands cupped his face and soft lips met his firmly, no tentative touches here, parting almost immediately. Remus, stunned, allowed the other boy to kiss him until his tongue probed between his lips then the werewolf pulled away, scrambling for his wand.

'What the hell are you doing?' he hissed, lighting the tip of the wand.

'Well, you weren't picking up on any of my hints and I was getting frustrated,' Sirius said with a little smile. 'So I decided to take your advice and use my imagination to show you how I feel. Although, I _didn't_ imagine this much conversation…'

He leaned forward again and kissed a wide eyed Remus and this time, he wasn't pushed away.

* * *

 **There was passion, there was laughter**  
The first morning after  
I just couldn't get my feet to touch the ground  
Every time we were together  
We talked about forever  
I was certain it was  
Heaven we had found

* * *

_Going slow was never usually an option for Sirius and he knew it was torment for the animagus to move at this turtle pace but he did it. He did it for him._

* * *

'Moony, don't get me wrong, snogging you is top of my list of favourite ways to spend an evening - just before hexing Snivellus - but if you don't start letting me go a bit further, I'm going to name my right hand and start taking it out for dinner.'

Remus snorted with laughter then rolled over on his bed to look at his boyfriend. 'You've done this kind of thing before,' he reminded Sirius. 'At least, you've been a recipient. I haven't. I'm a bit…nervous.'

'Then let me show you…it worked when you were too damn thick to notice my anvil sized hints that I liked you…'

'Alright, alright!' the other boy exclaimed and Sirius grinned.

'You will just love this, Remus,' he promised as his hand closed around his lovers' erection which was still encased in his boxers and stroked.

Remus closed his eyes, his body deeming breathing unnecessary while Sirius kissed his way down his body and showed him exactly what to do and - God help him - he did love it.

* * *

 **So why they call it falling**  
Why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
I don't know

* * *

_They had explored for months, getting to know each other's bodies but put off the final act until their last night at Hogwarts, thanks to his sense of occasion._

* * *

'I wanted it to be memorable,' Remus defended himself as Sirius kissed up his calf.

'I'd say losing our virginities is going to be memorable enough without you making me wait five months,' he complained before putting his mouth to much better use.

'You go first,' Sirius whispered a few minutes later.

Remus was surprised and Sirius saw it, chuckling and kissing him quickly. 'Love, I've dreamed about this for a very long time. I want you inside me.'

Remus obliged him, Sirius' body so hot and tight that it hadn't lasted very long at all but, Merlin, it was incredible and when, an hour later, Sirius penetrated him, the pain was nothing compared to the pleasure as Sirius' long, glorious cock hit something inside him that made him scream.

They curled up together afterwards and, just before he fell asleep, Sirius whispered, 'Do you love me, Remus?' in his ear.

Remus went still. They hadn't said the words to each other yet, although they each instinctively knew how the other felt.

His throat was dry so he simply nodded and he could feel Sirius smile into his hair. 'Ask me now,' he ordered softly and Remus swallowed nervously.

'Do you love me, Sirius?'

'Yeah,' Sirius answered, squeezing his boyfriends' hand tight and Remus was certain that he would never, ever find a feeling to match this. This was what it felt like to be complete.

* * *

 **But you can't live your life**  
Walking in the clouds  
Sooner or later  
You have to come down

* * *

_They had moved in together after school but, as the war between Dark and Light claimed more and more lives, their relationship became strained and trust frayed as it became obvious there was a traitor in the Order._

* * *

'I'm just saying you could have owled me or Flooed quickly…' Remus said, frowning at Sirius. 'I don't understand why you're shutting me out…'

Sirius slammed down the paper he'd been reading. 'For Christ's sake, Remus,' he snapped. 'They killed Fabian, somehow figured out how to find him and murdered him, and you're worried about dinner going cold!'

'I'm not worried about dinner,' Remus yelled, startling his lover with his uncharacteristic display of temper. 'I was worried about you, you great, bloody poof! I didn't know whether you'd come home alive or whether I'd get a owl from Dumbledore telling me you were dead…'

His voice cracked and he spun around, storming into their bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

Sirius approached him contritely a few hours later, laying a hand on his back. 'Remus? Love, I'm sorry. I should have known you'd worry…'

Remus rolled over fast, grabbing Sirius and throwing him down onto the bed next to him. 'Shut up,' he demanded fiercely. 'Just...shut up.'

He kissed him, Sirius returning it fervently. Clothes were torn from their bodies and Remus flipped Sirius over, gripping his hips and pulling them off the bed. He spit on his hand then rubbed it over his dick, having no patience for finding lubricant tonight, and entered Sirius rough and fast, making the man cry out in surprise and lust. He pounded into him, holding his hips so hard there were bruises the next day.

'Tell me you love me,' he ordered and Sirius moaned, 'I do.'

'Tell me!' Remus demanded, slapping Sirius sharply across the ass.

'Fuck! I love you,' he yelped before crying out again as he came in long, powerful bursts.

Remus felt the contractions and thrust punishingly one more time before he howled his pleasure and pain, coming inside Sirius.

* * *

 **It's like a knife through the heart**  
When it all comes apart  
It's like someone takes a pin  
To your balloon  
It's a hole, it's a cave  
It's kinda like a grave  
When he tells you that he's found somebody new

* * *

_He didn't believe him-that he'd met someone, a woman; that he was in love with her. But he left just the same._

* * *

'I…I don't understand,' Remus stuttered, watching Sirius throw a few items of clothing into a bag.

'What is there to understand?' Sirius said bluntly, grabbing some toiletries and shoving them into the duffel. 'I've been seeing her for a few weeks now and I've decided that I want to be with her. I'm sorry if this hurts you, Remus, but I don't want to be here anymore.'

He'd read in books where people said they'd felt their heart breaking but he'd always dismissed it as romantic nonsense - until today. Today, a pain like nothing he'd ever experienced; not when he was bitten, not in any transformation, shot through him like lightening and he could only concentrate on taking one breath after another as the man he loved packed his things. When he grabbed the bag and slung it over his shoulder, Remus finally spoke.

'I don't believe you,' he whispered, hoarsely. 'Why don't you trust me? Why won't you tell me what's going on?'

Sirius turned to him, his grey eyes not meeting his. 'What's going on is that I'm leaving,' he said softly. 'I'm sorry, Remus. I…I just don't love you anymore.'

And with those six words, Remus' heart shattered.

* * *

 **So why they call it falling**  
Why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
Now I know  
Now I know

* * *

_Now, he knew. Knew why Sirius had left him. He had gone into hiding as Secret Keeper for James and Lily. He now knew why he didn't trust him - they thought he was the spy._

_When Sirius came back twelve years later, the truth came out, but it was too late for them. They were wrong together now: Remus' heart still too hurt, Sirius too damaged from Azkaban. But they both held the secret hope that maybe one day… when they were both free of the pain that just wouldn't release them in life…_

* * *

Remus stared at the man in front of him, his wand too far away to save him. 'Are you going to beg for your life, werewolf?' Dolohov snarled as he pointed his wand at Remus' heart. Remus looked up at him and smiled. 'No,' he said softly. 'My life is just about to begin.'

The Death Eater scowled in confusion then cast the spell and, as Remus' life was extinguished, he felt Sirius reach out.

'Do you still love me, Moony?'

Remus nodded. 'With all my heart. Do you love me, Sirius?' he asked and the man smiled.

'I never stopped.'

* * *

 __ **Every time we were together**  
We talked about forever  
I was certain it was  
Heaven we had found


End file.
